Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Prodigal

I want to run away, to get lost for a day.
I wish to run barefoot through an open field, to lie down and stare at the sky. To pause and thank God for the beauty that lies in silence.
I want to thank the busy bee and the hard working ant for reminding me that there is always more to be done and that there is more to this life then my selfish problems.
I want to stare at my reflection in a river, reach down and distort that image as a reminder that beauty is more then the surface of my skin.
I want to stop and pray for my loved ones so that they will feel overwhelmed with love from both God and I.
I want to forget about my self pity;
My low self esteem.
I want to wash away my negative thoughts,
Aiming to dismiss the thoughts of money, love, work and failure from my mind.
How much time have a allowed to be wasted with my own doubts? Of God? Of my own ability?
I can't count the number of falling tears that have been caused by pointless frustration and forgettable pain.
When one is as blessed as I am I count myself as selfish from taken these blessings for granted,
So as I lay on that soft grass, still wet from the midnight dew, I will reminisce on my childhood. My childlike faith that could move mountains; the faith that I possessed before this world taught me that high hopes were foolish.
Before this worlds lessons of "socially acceptable behavior" distorted my once beautifully painted picture of God's plan for me.
At one time my fingers danced on the cheeks of my mother expressing love and cherishing her beauty; this was before I became consumed with perfection.
Oh how I yearned to reach that place of sweet contentment.
Pushed, struggled, fought to cross that finish line called "perfection."
Laughter arises in my soul as I think back on my ridiculous perception of life and the immature thought of the attainment of becoming perfect.
I see the clouds forming shapes that I do not recognize,
Again I am in the dark... for God's plan is beyond my comprehension.
Try as I might to understand all of His love and mercy,
I must come to grips with the fact that I will not obtain this eternal oasis on this earthly journey.
Faith in His plan must suffice.
Looking around at the obvious glory that He has placed together in His creations.
The trees... rich green hunched over branches weighed down from a long life lived here.
The birds flying not to make us who cannot defy gravity jealous but instead they soar because it was what they were designed to do, plan and simple.
God is our foundation He bears the weight of this world if we allow Him, if we hand over our own insecurities and trust Him to dispose of them.
Forgiven, forgotten.  
The smell of a fresh spring breeze, inhale, exhale... Take it in. Allow God's love to overcome you body and soul as you feel the warmth of the sun fall upon your face.
I want to get lost for a day,
So that I can find you again and leave my old self behind... I don't want her anymore.

That's all for now,
~Amy Jo~

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