"We wear the mask that grins and lies, it hides our cheeks and shades our eyes." Paul Laurence Dunbar wrote these words in a much different time then we live in now. Yet they could not be any more present then they are today, we all have our happy faces that we pick up on our way out the front door. We shed our true feelings, stuff them deeply within ourselves so that others will not see our weakness.
I have perfected this ritual, I have this unhealthy desire to ignore my own pain so that others can smile. I want to be their sunshine on a cloudy day. This can be a helpful tool, its important to come to the aid of those in trouble. The issue arises when you begin to suffocate your own thoughts and raw emotions in order to bring a smile to your neighbors face. Placing others before yourself is necessary in this life, but being healthy and taking care of yourself is the best way to help others. When you have your act together, when you are open and honest with yourself and with others then you will receive the support you need.
I was reminded today that I don't always have to be so strong. I can be vulnerable, I can trust the people that love me so much. This is difficult for me because I am such a perfectionist, I never want to show failure or pain because I feel as though that comes across as being imperfect...
Whoa wait what???
Perfection is not humanly obtainable...
I am learning,
slowly but surely
that when I am transparent with my friends and family I will receive the support that I need in order to function at 100%.
I am so blessed by the people that love me in this life. I need to include them in all area's... EVEN in my moments of weakness.
That's all for now,